Rants

Life

2010-02-16T09:36:00.001-08:00

Get born, learn to sit, learn to walk, learn to talk, grow up, learn morals and manners, look at others, copy what they do, start having imaginations, get toys learn how to play with them, , learn how ride a bicycle, go out see other people's toys, think you want them, wish for them, learn how to get your parents to buy you the same toys, learn how to show off your new toys, get caught up in that shit, go to school, learn life skills, fall down learn how to balance better, learn sports, learn maths, learn science, learn bio, learn literature and poetry, learn religion, learn God! start thinking, learn how to think better, start asking questions, learn things you learnt before clash with each other, ask for answers, don't get any, learn not to ask, learn to find your own answers, become a teenage, learn new things, learn genders, learn sex,learn life, think better, think deeper, get confuse, look back at your life and wonder who you are, where you belong, what you think, get caught up in this shit until one day a "wise" man pulls you out, think you know who you are, make decisions, learn what you learnt before has been bullshit, learns things your way, do things your way, learn who you are, feel confident go out there make a life, understand people, understand society, understand universe, understand life, think better, go out there and look at other people's life, think you want want the same things, learn how to get them, get confused, make sense of life, become like the rest of the people, be pulled down society, get tied down by culture, want to be like every one else, do things like every one else, become "successful" in the eyes of everyone else, rush, stress, hard work, money, independent, adulthood, sex, life being stable, get tired , calm down, sit down and think, think why you have "made" it, think you made it cause you work hard, think you have made it cause of your mum's prayers to a God you never really believed in, think you have made it cause of chances, wonder if you have actually made it, get confused, get lost, look around, learn new ways of dealing with it, learn society, learn people, learn how their lives are way more fucked up than yours, have values, have principles, make decisions, get in a fight, try to show every one who you are, want to be different, realize you can't, learn to be a bit different, realize it takes too much, go back to the rat race, make friends, make networks, make connections, make fame, make experiences, think harder, get tired, get confused, loose your values, learn what you have learnt has been bullshit, learn how to learn, get married, have kids, forget you who are and what you believed in, stop thinking, get caught up in the rest of the life going through the same circles, get old, get relaxed, feel like you know it all, feel like you are better, think you have done so much, love your life, love your memories, feel like you are ready to do more, get really old, realize you can't do shit any more, realize how lonely you have always been, loose your memories, loose your skills, loose every think you have learnt, loose your principles, forget how to talk, forget how to walk, die.

"Like"

2009-12-30T17:29:00.000-08:00

Its funny how much liking some one can change your attitude towards them. People whom you dislike might be doing the exact somethings as the the people whom you like, but for some reason your brain makes some messed up hormones that makes you react in two totally different ways. Its like the exact same "action" has a two totally different "reactions".

Let look at an example. You are in your office early in the morning. Had a long night and are not really in a good mood. The workmate you like walks by, smiles and slowly punches your arm while passing your table. your brain says "ooo at least i have some nice caring workmates" and you feel a bit better. Now, the workmate you don't like passes by and does the exact same thing, what does your brain tell you? "OH fuck off, the last thing i want in the morning is to see your ugly smile, and i can't believe he fucking touched me, he is just so annoying, what happened to our privet space, you can't just touch some one like that... he is just so irritating...." and it puts you in a bad mood.

Later that day you get so busy working you forget to have lunch, if the workmate you like goes and take some food away for you, you would think "WOW! this is so nice of him, with workmates like this I have nothing to worry about" then you would give your workmate a massive smile and thank him for the rest of the day. But if the workmate you don't like buys you lunch, you would be sitting there thinking,"God know what he wants from me now! buying me lunch, he is so weird... he freaks me out, and he bought me a burger, i don't even like burgers he is so annoying" then you would give him a quick look say a quick thank you, and act like you are busy so they would piss off!

Now lets say it's your birthday and office has thrown a party for you. Half way through the party when the cake comes the workmate you like would take a piece of cake and smash in in your face. you will be like "oo this is fun" you would stats laughing your ass off and then take a piece of cake and smash it back in your his face, everyone one in the party would laugh and have a good time. NOW! if the workmate you don't like takes a piece of cake and smashes it to your face, you will be filled with anger! you would turn red, what's in your brain "...." Nothing! you are just pissed off! you take the cake off your face and punch him right in the face!! then make a big fuss and totally ruin the party!

I don't know why this things happen. None of this guys have really done anything wrong or right! They are normal average people who have not done anything really good or bad for you. It gets even worst if there are two girls who like a guy, but the guy only likes one and dislikes the other. Imagine they both bought a gift for his birthday. Its an ugly designed T-shirt with the color he hate. If it came from the one he likes, he would keep the T-shirt, and even bloody wear it on his next date to impress her! But if it came from the one he doesn't like he will throw it to a far corner of his closet and never ever look at it again!!
Now since this girls are both already close to him, they decide to tell him a bit of their relationship history. The story goes like
"I dated this Mr.X for a year and everything was perfect until i met this other person and fell in love with him and i had to tell Mr.X . it was really confusing and messed up at the time"
If he likes the girl he would think, "Oh my God, should have been so hard on her, she is so honest even at time like that, so brave of her to tell him" but if he doesn't like the girl he would say
"WHAT A WHORE!!!!"

If you know me and you happen to like me, you have probably enjoyed this post and thought it was worth reading. but if you don't like me you are probably thinking "THIS IS SHIT!" and i`m actually surprised you are still reading!

My sisters

2009-12-04T18:50:00.001-08:00

My childhood always feels like a good dream, a safe place to run into when i`m tried of the stressful adult life. I`m the only son in the family and I have 4 sisters, 2 older and 2 younger, I love them all with all my hearth. They are the number 1 priority in my life and would do all i can for them. I miss them greatly now. I`ve always respected them as people who can think and have a mind of their own. this is the story of my sisters.

Here is how i see it, since I was an accident! my parents decided to try for another kid about 5 years after I was born hopping that it would be a boy and i`d have a brother. Turns out its a girl! an adorable small girl. I remember I was so upset I was running up and down crying and trowing things around at my grandmother's place. But when I saw the baby it was pure excitement... It took her only 6 months to start blowing everyone's mind with her intelligence, she started talking!! when she was 6 months old she could say words, by the age of 1 she could already make small sentences and when she was 2+ she was already singing songs! by then i really didn't care that i didn't get my little brother anymore. I had a sister that loved me so much as a kid that changed her name to "mohammad javad reyhaneh" (it later became "mohamad sadegh" for some reason but that doesn't matter.

We use to play games and ride our bicycle the 4 of us had great fun. We even converted the garage into a little city, we had streets and landmarks each street had a name and we had sign boards leading us to the streets. We played board games as well there was also Lego and many other games... (I so miss playing like that). Later when the 5th kid was born the gang was complete! Since she is the youngest kid we always looked after her, each one of us supported her in our own ways. well this matter kind of spoiled her but however she turned out to be a great individual. some one with so much love and emotions.

But there were games I could only play with Rey, every one else found it too "boyish". like football for that matter, other sisters also joined at times, but Rey was always there, I was harsh at her on the games i used to push her and hit her, she wouldn't mind, she would get up and push me back! (she plays pro futsal now) anyways my connection and understanding with rey has always been unbreakable and it will always stay that way. She means the world to me and as she grows older I can see how she is becoming a great person, I`m very proud of her.

I have an almost twin sister, Faezeh is only 11 months older than me( remember i was an accident!)It was very unfair to her, my birth, she couldn't drink much of milk since i came by too fast! she still blames me on that. But i guess that thought her to be independent she is strong in her believes and nothing can shake her, people really look up to her. She fights for women rights on her own way, she has a black belt in taekwondo and she trains other girls 3 times a week, she has recently joined the Iranian firefighter forces with her group of friends, they are one of the first female firefighters in Iran after the revolution 40 years ago. Her dominating attitude makes trouble for her but she always manages to run free. I`ve always been admired by how she is clear about who she is and what she wants and how she never allows anyone or anything to get in her way! As a teenager she was always my best friend and was always there to support me even though she personally didn't agree with many things I did or believed in. She listened to me and tried to help, she loved me unconditionally even if what I believed in differs with her fundamental believes. I adore her and I`m very proud of her.

When we were younger, me and faezeh, we use to always gang up against my older sister Fatemeh. It was mostly because we were jealous of her popularity among my parents. it was pretty simple, she was the good girl, the one that is always quite and keeps things to herself, she used to help out in everything in the house. she was my mom's number 1 kid therefore! she would simply do anything for my mom, on the other hand me and faezeh were the trouble makers...
time passed and we grew up, then I realized what an angel she is. As a kid she sacrificed lots of things for her family, she gave up what she wanted and needed for the sake of the family, she feels responsible for all of us, and without her help i can't imagine how things would have been possible. she loved every member of the family so much that she completely forgot about her self and she received hell in return from me and faezeh as kids. We both love her to the bones now.
She has grown up to be an independed woman. a great artist and a great student. She has finally found her passions and is perusing them in every cost, she has matured into an open minded free artist, she paints her emotions and studies just because she loves studying, she has achieved so much in her life, it makes me go WOW! She has gotten first class for both her degree and masters, she is going to do her PHD now, she is very clear about what she wants to do next and her goals are defined and she is willing to take up any challenge to reach them. She is my beloved sister and i`m really proud of her...

When we all though the family couldn't get any better there comes Atefeh the youngest and it got way better. at the age of 15 she still wants Barbi dolls and toys! She is the hearth of the family, she is like what makes all of connect, her honesty, her emotions, her softness has always been a great place to run to in stressful times. she still has lots of growing up to do but I can see what a great lady she is going to be. she inspires me to be better, and for that i`m proud of her...

Needless to say my parents were the reason for all of us to be to be who we are today.

I`m glad

2009-11-30T01:05:00.000-08:00

I`m glad

1. I have people in my life whom i can truly trust
2. I`m where I am in life
3. I know what I know and I do what I do
4. I`m in Malaysia
5. I started photography and every thing that came with it

Hugs

2009-10-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

It was a year or so ago, a friend's Birthday in a club, were having fine whiskey and fine Cuban cigars, chatting and dancing with friends, night passed. I saw a girl in a green dress up there right next to the DJ, she was dancing with her eyes closed, it was indeed a nice sight to watch so i did. In a while she noticed i was watching her. usually I would look away but some thing about that moment kept me looking. She continued dancing and i continued watching.
Friends decided to leave so i also thought of heading off. But just before i leave, she came down the stage and gave me a nice long hug! it felt nice. then she said Hi to my friends and said her name then came back to me and hugged me again and said bye!
never saw her again and even if i do i`m not sure if i can remember how she looks like, unless she is wearing the same green dress.
Things alcohol can do to you!

2009-10-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

will convert this into my photography blog soon!!!! you will see!!!

25 things

2009-02-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about me.

1. I like pink Tshirts

2. I`m so moody i confuse myself

3. I always try to be the center of attention and if i succeed i won't stay there for long

4. I`m scared of height, it makes my knees numb.

5. I enjoy going to a temple more than a mosque

6. My parents think i pray 5 times a day

7. When i was small i use to play games where i was a hostage and i would get killed when the SWAT comes to rescue me.

8. When i was 8-9 i was always 14 in my imaginary (hostage)games, and when i turned 14 i was always 20 in my imaginary (hostage)games, and when i was 20 there was no more games.

9. I will have problems going to sleep or working if i know the kitchen is in a mess

10. My shoe size is 10-11

12. I never read a book while I take a shit and I`d pee sitting down if i have the chance.

13. My obsession with photography pisses people off

14. I use to listen to backstreet boys. and still like one of their tracks

15. I`m so bad with names, like really bad, seriously bad

16. I should be doing work now but i`m doing this

17. I enjoy watching cartoon porn sometimes

18. When i went back to my home town i got homesick

19. I have drunk tequila with sprite.

20. Every time i board an airplane i think of having sex in the toilet but i`ve never done it

21. I always think i use to be happier.

22. once i told someone i have a "mental illness" so that they would leave me alone

23. I love pizza

24. The first person i slapped was my younger cousin, just because i wanted to know how it feels like to slap someone. i remember i made it up to him.

25. the concept of money makes me sad.

Perfect vacation

2008-12-03T04:57:00.000-08:00

How to have a perfect vacation in Langkawi in 33 easy steps.

1.Come back from your class and figure out all your friends have left you alone and are gone!

2.Call them and find out they are in Langkawi, then tell them you are joining them.

3.Go home/pack/head to Pudu

4.Catch the first bus to Kuala Perlis and reach there after 8 hours!

5. Once you reached you figure that you are alone in the scariest town in malaysia at 2-3 in the morning and the first ferry to Langkawi is only at 6.

6. Freak out and rush to a hotel you see across the road.

7. The fucking "HOTEL" door is locked!!! and you can see the cashier sitting there but she doesn't want to open up for you, instead she shows you that you should "go fuck your self cause the "HOTEL" is closed after 12"!!!!!

8. freak out even more cause you are carrying your life in your bag ( Your looser life contains "Laptop, passport, 500-600 cash, and some more important things i don't remember") and take a sit right in front of the hotel next to a aquarium with a huge ass Arwana in it.

9. figure out that there are shit loads of huge ass rats in this town by just looking under where you are sitting.

10. get so freaked and hold your shiti packet knife in your hands to "protect your self".

11. See a girl that looks just as freak out walking to you, get happy to see her thinking your are gonna have a good company for the night on the road...

12. Figure out she doesn't speak a word of English so you can't possibly talk to her, so she just takes a sit next to you, but you guys should not talk the whole night, and after a while you totally forget her presence.

13. try to listen to music on your laptop, but be too afraid to bring it out of the laptop bag, so turn on your laptop/ put your headsets in, and load your iTunes all with out taking your laptop out of your bag.

14. Figure out that the lovely rats are interested in your Mentos. so spend the rest of the night cutting your mentos rings to small pieces and then throw it on the the floor and wait for the rats to come collect it.

15. IT'S 6!

16. Go catch your ferry, get to langkawi, meet your friends for lunch and go back your the dodgy chalet, put your swimming pants on and go the the nice beach and the resort on the other side of road!

17. Once at the beach, see a lot of signs saying "Be aware of jelly fish", but don't bother about them, go further in and see dead huge ass jellyfish on the beach but still decide to go to the water.

18. Be in the water for 5 min with all your other friends, and then feel a massive sharp pain in your right knee. but decide you stay in the water for a bit longer cause you loser mind is telling you "sea water heals wounds"

19. Figure out the pain is too unbearable to stand, walk out of the water to the beach and be in so much pain that you can't even stand up anymore but still make your cheap ass corny jokes.

20. the locals come and check you they all freak out and tell you what happened to you in a language you don't know shit about!

21. Be taken to the hospital by some people who work in the resort you don't even stay in.

22. Be taken to the RED zone! but still don't freak out and keep making you cheap ass corny jokes.

23. Get an injection and go to sleep wake up after 8 hours!

24. Figure out you spoiled every ones day and pay 150 bucks and get out of the hospital but keep in mind to be in much more pain.

25. spend another two days there being in pain, you could also visit the boring cable car and go to the Aquaria, and have a couple of beer, watch all your friends swimming in the pool but don't go in the water cause you are banned from go to water by the doctor.

26. Pack up and take a cab with your friends to the jetty. but on the way 3 of your friends decide that they want to stay for a couple of days more so they leave you alone with another friend.

27. Reach the jetty/ take the ferry back to Kuala perlis/ decide you don't want anymore discomfort/ go buy the most expensive ticket for the EXPRESS VIP BUS

28. Sit on the pavement and wait for your bus much longer that you were suppose to.

29. Be informed that your bus has broke down so they are trying to get a replacement bus.

30. Watch all the nice buses coming in the station and hope they were your bus.

31. See a blue school bus DRIFTING into the station, and the driving is screaming KL KL KL KL KL.

32. Figure out thats your bus and get in it, spend another 8 miserable hours in the bus talking to your friend about how much fun this trip was and take pictures of your toes while scratching your knee.

33. wait for 4 years and write a post about your trip.

Photography exhibition

2008-11-22T05:47:00.001-08:00

The tale of two men who both love the same women

2008-10-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Ok
Here is what happens if two men want the same woman in different countries:

In Japan :
The guy who thinks he can't get the girl will commit suside first. then the other guy feels so guilty to cause the death of another being so he also commits suside and the girl who has no more lovers would commit suside as well.

In Iran :
the girl's parents and relatives would have a formal meeting and after researches and investigations they find out which guy is richer and they give their daughter to him

In Spain :
They would duel on her and the one who doesn't die would take the girl and run away to south America

In US:
The guys would go and have a talk about her but then they would fall in love and have a homosexual marriage

In France:
The guys would become best friends and share the girl...

In Australia:
The guys would keep arguing until they get really old and tired then go for 1 or 2 or 18 beers and forget all about her

In mexico city:
The guys would fight until one of them bleeds to death.but then the other one would forget the reason of the fight and go his own way

In Canada:
Where is Canada again??!

In Africa:
They would both marry the girl and then marry another 20 girls

In Saudi:
None would get the girl cause she is already married to her cousin

In Malaysia:
The girl would marry one of them but sleep with the other one

In china:
They would loose the girl in the crowd

In Afghanistan:
They will kill the girl in the name of Islam

In North Korea:
The Kim Jong-il's goverment would make the choice

In Thailand:
They would make a business out of the girl and share the profit

In Mongolia:
They'd get our #2 to blow her up

ps: this post in not based on any real facts and I am not racist towards all people, only some of them

tip

2008-09-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

life is too short! You shouldn't waste it like this. yes i`m talking to you, and you might die tomorrow! so watch out

The Donkey And The Dog

2008-06-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

Was walking down the hill from the country house, looking around for things to photograph, suddenly saw an unleashed dog, freaked out slightly first but then he started to shake his tale and to show me a friendly face so I got closer, I had to climb up a little hill to reach him, only then I realized he was really really old.

It didn't take long before I saw his dear friend who was also very aged. While i was petting the dog, I saw a donkey coming out from the bushes. He was being extra careful about his every move. I stared to slowly walk towards him, managed to get pretty close but just before I wanted to touch him I heard the dog barking !
He looked so angry and protective of his friend, so I backed off.
I could see the dog cool down then. Any chance he got he would lie on the grass, but no matter how many times i called him, he responded, spend a magical hour with them. they were both so friendly ( only when they were sure I was harmless of course) and I could say they spend most of their days together, they were both probably from a house down in the village and because their age and physical disabilities (the Dog didn't have leg) they were let go on their own. But they didn't leave each other, they are FRIENDS !

A Donkey and a Dog , who would believe they could be friends when us, humans don't know the first thing about being there for each other?

ps; to see more of their pictures you can check my flickr at

http://www.flickr.com/photos/javad_ti/

The Persian Way Of Hospitality ?

2008-05-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

OK !
Here is what happens when some guests walk into your house which is equipped with minimum of 23 chairs and sofas minimum. A pair of big certain covered the windows with lots of horizontal and vertical waves. loads of expensive, hand made, 50% silk, huge carpets all over the corridors and the hall and the rooms and the kitchen and where ever a FLOOR exists ( there are more necessary stuff you need but what was mentioned above would pretty much give THE look to
your house)
they don't need to be some one special they could be your close family like you grandma or auntie.
make sure your are dressed formally.

1- Guest knock on the door, you have to go to the door and greet them and show them the way and say welcome as though they have never been here before. wait for them to sit first only then you can sit. Make sure you collect their suits and jackets and put them all nicely and the hanger near the door. and the fake smile on your face is very important in all the steps.

2- You sit down with them and talk, make some polite jokes and talk general for a while.

3- Without asking them whether they even want a drink or even if they do, what kind of drink they want, you bring the drink you have already made and serve it to them. Its very important to make sure they finish it, you can do so by keep asking them to do it !

4- Right after they finished the drink you bring the first round of tea. it has to be served in a tray nicely. not too hot not too cold and without any sugar or milk. lets emphasize again that it really doesn't matter what are the guests preferences. And don't worry they won't even ask. It's just not common and its considered slightly rude. but in case they do you should immediately do as they wish and make sure you keep repeating "sure, no problem" while having a big fake smile. (in case of interest you can talk to your family about how rude they were because they asked for customization after they are gone).

5- Tea always has to be accompanied with some sugar cubes, cookies and sweats or a piece of cake that would be served separately after the tea. insists they take it but if they really don't want and you can see it in their eyes then you may leave them alone, but make sure you ask them again later if they are sure they don't want and this time you can also say " they are very nice i bought them from this shop ...."

6- First round of tea is done ?? time to clear the cups. you should always keep in mind that your guests won't do anything on their own, think of them as a disable one legged guy who has just happened to be in the position of power !

7- Go strait to fruits with no break. Again the don't get to say no or chose what fruits they want because you are putting the big fruits that are nicely put in a plate with a knife on the side of the plate, right in front of them. insist they eat it, if they say "no" make sure you offer to peal the fruit's skin for them ( it only works with skinable fruits such as oranges, apples, bananas and ...)

8- Second round of tea has to be prepared while the guests are having their fruits. then redo step 4 -6 .

9- you can continue to serve your guests until you run out of things to serve them. usually people would serve the following as well. Nuts, More Candies, Watermelons or other kind of melons ...

10- Mean while all this you can do the following to entertain the guests as well as feeding them :

Turn the TV on and watch either football or the news and strictly nothing else
Complain about the government
Complain about your kids
Complain about the neighbors
Complain about the quality of the football team
Talk about the weather
Talk about the recent holiday you went to and gossip about your travel mates ...
Support what ever suits your family values and totally deny and disrespect any other value by making fun of them.

ps. if you have kids make sure you order them to do every single thing and you can jup strait from step 1 to 10 .

This method only applies to a tea party and I'm not gonna give you the method for a dinner party. that wouldn't fit in my life time period .

javad

Rape

2008-03-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

At the dinner, greeting the guest of honor who is down from overseas...

3 kinds of food, almost every one is there, all the adults in fact, kids are on the other side.

the dinner time conversations are going on, it some how gets to " women rights " and how women are still being pushed away by the men. And how we are still living in a big men world, So every one tells a story to second the topic, none of them really effective.
All the stories just beat around bushes but miss the main point , they are some thing like
" all the none Islamic countries claim they have higher right for women but they don't, WE do !! "
how ever the guest of honer wanted to share his idea as well, not that he really accepted every thing they were saying but he wasn't in the position to stand out and say " dear family member you are all so wrong and I AM right" so since he couldn't beat them he joined them.
so he thought to himself why not he just share a real story he heard on Oprah, of course he didn't mention where he got the story because it wouldn't make a difference considering they wouldn't know what Oprah is...
so he shared the story, it went like this:
"the very first women who got a job in the US air control faced some big problems caused by her male coworkers, but the stupidest thing the males did was to give her wrong info about some flights so two plans would crash to each other and 300 people die so that she gets fired !! how ever it didn't happen and she managed to save the people but her male coworkers were in big trouble, so as a revenge the raped her and after that she was to ashamed to go to work and ..."
he thought the story was moving and good but he didn't get the respond he expected, instead there was a killer silence right after he said the story and then his father just changed the subject to some thing else like the weather !

The night went on and the guest of honor got some weird stares the whole night then after every one was gone , he asked his dad, " what the is wrong ?" and the father said

" I can't believe you used the word RAPE ."

my flickr !

2008-01-15T03:43:00.000-08:00

hey everyone
i have updated my flickr account with all my new works, i would love it of you could drop by and tell me what you think.
i`m looking for comments to help me improve so please try to tell me what you don`t like about my photographs or my other designs, anything at all will be appreciated.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/javad_ti/

love !
javad

Sex IN 2008 !

2008-01-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

Ask me ? i say its all about sex ! or in better word its impossible without sex, "it" could be marriage , relationships, or even friendships, relaxing, Holidays, Love, Fun, Mood, Going to the gym, Being rich, being smart ..... this factors are all related to sex some how, you attempt to do them either to attract the opposite sex or to keep them. When i say sex i don`t mean the actual intercourse all the time, it could be just an attraction, or a flirt or a fantasy or just the to attract ! what ever it is, it`s sexual in a way.
let me clear myself, i`m not opposing anything, i`m just asking you to think about it with an open mind, "Sex is the most important factor in most of our lives because it almost effects every task we perform".

Here is another list of thing related to sex if you still don`t believe me

Happiness
Honeymoon
Crimes
(rape, murder)
Seeking beauty
Gay rights
Dates

**This post is only relevant in a normal daily life situation. (no major sickness, disability or any other problem with the basic needs"hunger, health, wealth and..." )

Shit Happens !

2007-11-12T09:36:00.000-08:00

This is a totally useless post ! don`t tell me i didn't warn you !
Shit lots of work make you feel this way ! you know how your life goes on a pending period ?
where you actually do a lot of things and they all seem like a dream, but what ever you did will make your future make sense, so if feels like a dream that has an effect on your future, its like you are living on a koma. this is not how i feel by the way i`m just saying that there might be a period in your life when you feel that way, but its not related to me at all, it generally irrelevant.
Life is funny you never know whether you figured it out or not, you know what you do has consequences but you do it anyway, its like another external power is controlling your life and you just go with it, hopping what ever is happening is the right thing(and the funny thing is most of the time it is) .
I`m busy but i have nothing to do ! i tell my self what ever it is will pass soon, don`t worry be happy ! easier said than done !!
a holiday might be good perhaps, but even holidays can be complicated, your phone keeps ringing and you don`t wanna answer but then you will, you wanna run away but you stay, no where makes you feel comfortable and even languages don`t make sense anymore ! you want to open up and explode, but no way !
life is happy and fine and interesting and you know it but you keep whining ! not that you are looking for something better but its just fun to whine, a lot you wanna do and nothing gets done !
trying so hard to make sense of this post ? don`t ! no body would know ! not even the publisher !
have you read Repley's game ? i haven`t ! its on my table but i haven`t read it yet, i have to make a lot of decisions ..... not nothing YET !
wanna be who you wanna be not what you are ! you don`t know what you are, thats how i felt when i was 16 ! and i`m 21 now ! still remember when i was 14-17 , i use to play this game in my head, like i`m some one else and i`m doing something heroic ! in a battlefield or a jail, or i`m a hostage who saves the other hostages, haha i even died in some of my own games(dreams) they usually took place before i fall asleep, some times i even draw them on a paper(ugly drawings) the point is in all those dreams my character was 20 years old , as though it's a golden age that i would never reach, but here i go ! being a kid is much easier than being an adult anyways(nothing you didn't know) .

i can`t believe you are still reading !
be careful what you believe cause i believe what you believe is what happens to you and some times you can't control what you believe ! what if you believe in the wrong thing and what you hate to believe in and you always make fun of the believers is what you yourself believe some where down deep inside you ! this shit is boring ! who knows if GOD exists ! (look around you find the signs [ cut the bullshit] )

the conclusion is that there is no conclusion and you have just wasted your 20++ min of you life reading something and trying to find the hidden meaning, I'm telling you you have failed even if you don`t think so ! you never know what to think anyways, I know SHIT happens and you can`t do shit about it ! come and arrest me if you can cause there was a political post and you know the rest !

Detachment !

2007-11-08T20:33:00.000-08:00

" But wait, I said. Aren't you always thinking of experiencing life? All the good emotions, all the bad ones?
"yes"
Well how can you do that if you're detached?
"Ah, You're thinking, Mitch. But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it"
I'm lost
"Take any emotion- Love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions-if you don't allow your self to go all the way through them, you can never get to being detached, you are too busy getting afraid. you are afraid of the pain you are afraid of the grief. you are afraid of the vulnerability that loving details.
"But by trowing you self into those emotions. by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. you know what pain is. you know what love is. you know what grief is and only then you can say " all right i have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now i need to detach from that emotion for a moment.""
Mitch albom (Tuesdays with Morrie)

Get ANGRY !

2007-11-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

What if anger is the right way to solve your problems ! i know it makes you feel bad about your self afterward but lets not forget the satisfaction it can give you if you do it at the right time.

Most of the time i fake anger, its more like i know i have to put on an angry face and scream when necessary other wise things wouldn't work out my way, but to be truly angry, it doesn't happen that often. whether it's a good thing or not you should be judge.
But there are times when i get angry, so angry my mind doesn't even function, then i would try to kill it inside me, and i will put down the fire some how. doesn't work all the time, but most of the time it does.

There are time when i kill anger too much and too long. It results in being confuse and depressed. Then if at the right time I let a little bit of that anger out without fears of consequences or caring for anything or anyone i would feel free and satisfied.
If i manage to control the quality and quantity of the anger then there will be no regrets afterward, no one was hurt unnecessary, or too much, and even if your anger causes some backfire it would still wouldn't change anything cause i did it and i really don't care anymore. even if the back fire results to getting beaten up or anything it would still worth it ! (haha i said "beaten up" cause i did get beaten up once and believe me i didn't regret a thing)

Things anger could destroy:

Friendship
Relationship
Family
Reputation
Respect
Job
Education
Life
Mind
Self steam
.
.
.

The right time for a perfect anger is when you just don't care about them anymore !

DO IT !

2007-10-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

Some times you fell into some shit and you become blind, if you don`t open your fucking eyes and figure what you doing , you will be stock in the shit for ever !
This is the reason for all the problems human beings face !
just get over it, just do it and live in present!!
make every one you care about happy by making yourself happy ! so just live for yourself...

Things i`m scared of and i won`t be soon !

Loneliness
Death of loved ones
Hight !
Losing what i worked hard to gain !

Don't try

2007-09-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

I NEED TO SHUT UP !
eeeeeey khoda , chera har chi etefaghe bade dare bara man miofte, maslan man bayad "THE COOL GUY" basham. khodam az khodam khaste shodam enghadr ghoor zadam be ino oon, mokham ghashang gozide. omadam ye ja ke dost nadaram basham! hala mikham beram biron vali nemishe! ye ki az bozorgtarin moshgelaye man hamine, enghadr chizayi ke khodam mikham ro faramosh kardam ke bazi vaghta kolan yadam mire chi mikham ! kash mishod zedegi ro fast forward kard khoodayi. age mishod man 3 hafteye digaroo miparidam jolo. faghat 3 hafte , aaah. shodam mesle in adamaye aaahmagh, hamash fekraye kiri miad to zehnam ! asabamo migad. kash mishod yeki boodesh.

Some how every one i like goes away ! i mean seriously. all my friends split a part just when we got close. and when the go away every thing changes ! with every person missing from your life you would have to live a totally new life. so i came up with this saying for my self " it was a great time you had with him/her but its OVER" . and when its over its never gonna be the same . i will miss them i i wish i could be living next to them. so here is a little love to the people who mean a lot to me . ok ok you want a list of names ? here it is (not all of them are necessary away but since i was making a list i thought i put every one in it )

Sahand
Behruz
Milad
Kristin
Kevin
Kian
Mama
Nalin
Amir hosain
Hessam
Hoda
Farzan
Faezeh
Fatemeh
Atefe
Reyhane
Fereshte
Tofigh
Zohre
Amir kocholo
Hamed pesar dai
Ario
Alireza Ardestani

i have a feeling i might have forgotten some people !

No Idea

2007-09-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

Have you seen those people, who need to talk ! and they talk and talk and talk, then after a while they get so irritating you want to punch them in the face ?! its like what ever you say won't make them shut up. And after a while you just tell your self 'fuck him" and you just go off !
well my dear friends this is exactly the problem i have with my self, the only difference is that i can't go away from my self. the fucker sticks to you and never lets go. i`m so sick of it and soon every body else would be too. gotta do some thing about it. gotta get out of here.

20 thing i never thought i will do or be

2007-09-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

I never thought i would ...

Have the beard style i have had for the last 3years.
Study art (loving it though).
Post a emotional crap on my blog.
Forget religions .
Not care what happens to someone else.
Smoke.
Miss my family.
Love
Hurt some one else
lie
wear pink
Not have a single real friend around
love Simpson's
learn how to swim
Dance( i still can't really dance, but i still do it)
how could i forget this, i never thought i could speak English the way i do now.
Be jealous
Lazy
Love Dogs
BE ME

Changes

2007-09-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

I came and sat by my PC because i wanted to kill my blog! i wanted to say this blog is dead, so go away and don't bother reading anymore, how ever that did not happen.
its 6 in the morning and i can't sleep, just had the weirdest dream, i was killing my own family, it was bad dream it was probably because of the fucked up conversation i had with my dad before i sleep, after the dream i woke up and i can't sleep. for the last few week there has not been a night that i slept for more than 4 hours, some times i sleep in the evening, but nights have been a total hell, i wish they didn't exist.
i keep changing my mind about every thing, it changes so often than i`m freaking out. one moment i`m all ok and happy ! and the next moment i`m sad and under, then i get angry and then i get worried and sometimes i just feel dead and the next moment i`m full of life.
so anyhow, i guess i will be seeing every body much less than i use too ! at least for the next couple of months.
God damn it my mind just changed again now i don't know if i want to publish this post or not, oh fuck it, i wish i could get this fucked up brain of mine out of my head and feed it to cats, I'm just gonna post it !
at the end of the day its not like i was always like that, i can survive, some people could not believe i can fall in love, i also never thought i will. but hell it happen, i`m just human after all, and now i know why people run away from it. i don't think i will ever do it again, so furiously unless i`m sure its never gonna break.

White Pants !

2007-09-07T02:18:00.000-07:00

White pants look good on every one, its just the easiest way to stand out of a crowed as a good looking person(you need a little bit of potential too).
White shirts are not the same, you know they are like Normal ! if you wear them you are just another person with a white shirt, same goes to white socks or white underwear ! but white pants ... they are just nice !

i`m gonna wear them now and go meet the one i love !

From a little bird to a ....

2007-08-19T04:13:00.000-07:00

It was born a very long time ago, its parents were simply the best, they we so loving and caring, they did what ever they could for our little bird that time. it wasn't a easy task for them, the little bird was born sick, it was all yellow when it was born so they had to change its blood with its father, so it was in the little bird's hospital for a very long time, but after a very very long time it was finally released. they took it home and took care of it, they named it Birdak ! (it didn't really like its name when he was all grown).
Beside all the sickness, the child hood went on perfectly, birdak was a cute child, smart, kind, loving and... so every one loved it so much. it use to play with all the other little bird on the street and some times they make fun of the little birdak, because of its little red hat, that he had to wear to go to school and to play around, but birdak never got so upset and annoyed, he looked at world differently, he thought "when people make fun of me they are actually paying attention to me" and it liked the attention ! so he never really mind, and because he didn't really react to them they stop the whole making fun thing simply because its not fun to make fun of some one that doesn't really mind it.
little bird was growing now ! the secondary school was nothing like primary. Students were not all the same, they didn't believe in the same thing birdak believed. They worked so much on birdak mind in primary school that he believed in his little world and he thought the whole world is just the same, entering secondary school proved him wrong. it took 2 years for him to changed his mind about his little world in his mind, but he finally did, and by doing so, it started changing.
Every new year it looks at it self in the mirror and it realizes how much he has changed and how different its little imaginary world is from real life and it decides to try to fit him self more and more into this "real world". so years past his process in his mind was,

Little bird > confuse little bird > wanna changed little bird > little changed little bird > little changed not so little anymore bird > changed > same as last year > same as last year

So it finally though he knows who it is, now it wanted to show every one the new person ! but the problem was no one really saw the real person he had become, all the good things he has in his soul, no one really saw it for who it was and instead they judged him with their own standards. specially his family and the society ! it felt left out one more time, after so long trying to fit in their mind and their culture now it was the total opposite, it hated this fact, but it was too late to change one more time so he decided to go some were else another jungle somewhere he was accepted more.
one day he just flew, he was flying for a long time and finally he landed in a all new place.
where it didn't know anyone ! it wasn't scared at all, it never really missed home, it stayed there and build a new life !
for a long time he thought his new life was good. it made mistakes, but it never regret them instead he learned from them and became a better person ! but some where meanwhile he did wrong the older it got, it realized , Birdak is not all the same any more, birdak now is full of bad things, he doesn't look at people as people, it loves it self more than anyone else. birdak was so loving upon others anymore, it became meaner and every once in a while it enjoyed breaking some one's hearth. last time it used to forgive every one, the role was " you hurt me , i forgive you and make thing nicer by trying to make you realize your mistake " but now the role was changed to " you hurt me , i hurt you back so hard you can't even walk anymore".
it new it was doing some thing wrong but changed wasn't so easy anymore, but one day it decided to find its old self. The little bird it used to in primary school it wanted its imaginary world back. so he started flying back home, he was flying so high and he was so happy, every thing was just fun until until it got shut by a hunter and died right away !

boo !

2007-07-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

I hate to be depended on other people in anyway ! but you can never run away from it ! you are always depended on others, it`s either a emotional dependency or a physical or financial or in so many other ways ! and when you hate to be depended, it hurts ! it hurts when you don't get what you expect, it hurts to ask, and it hurts the most to be rejected !
some times it destroys my relationships with others ! with friends, family, and ...

The irony is that I like to be depended on ! I want people to depend on me, I know i can help them only if they trust me ! specially people I'm really close to, if they ask me for some thing i look at it as a sign of love ! some how it makes me feel good ! of course if they ask too much then I`ll show them a sign of anger ;)

What the fuck do we know !

2007-07-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

most of the posts I have read is written when the author is upset about some thing ! or some thing is bothering him/her ! like a problem at work, with your partner, friends and...
same thing is about me ! It has never happened that i'm happy about some thing and i tell my self " oh I wanna put that in my blog " its just not right ! some how blogs have to be depressing ! i don't have a problem with it ! i think i know why I or anyone else does it !
we want to tell someone how we feel we want someone that listens and cares ! some times that some on is out of reach or doesn't exist at all, so we write ! and we hope some one would read it. some times we don't even care if some one reads it ! it just feels good to write about it ! its like when people go to a jungle and put their heads inside a tree whole and shut out their problems !

Good Keep going

2007-06-26T00:13:00.000-07:00

Wow its hard to belive but i gotta believe it ! my blog is not my privet mailing system with nalin anymore ! there is actually one more person thats leaves some comments ! thanks ! keep it going !

Get a life !

2007-04-25T04:27:00.001-07:00

Some people simply waste their their life ! They think they are doing some thing useful for the humanity or for themselves ! You know what they can all come and kiss my hairy middle eastern ass !

I'm taking about ...

Those who waste their lives, looking for their lost human rights !

Those who think every thing is because of racism.

Those who look at every one as an enemy and wasting all their miserable lives, trying to kill them all !

Those Muslims who think of every thing and every one is trying to attack Islam ! and there is a need of Jihad every day.same goes to other stupid realigns.

Those who waste their lives trying to be cool !

Those people who have nothing to do but to criticize the governments, and they just talk and talk and talk until they get eaten by worms !

Those who spend all their time thinking why they are so ugly that the opposite sex don't like them until they die a virgin.

Those who spend 24 hours a day thinking about the next person they wanna fuck ! they will die with a condom on ! (girls can wear condoms too)

Those who think they should cheat every person because they got cheated once.

Those people who would die trying to figure out how rich people are the reason for they poverty.

.
.
.

COME ON ! I say: Get A Life ! there is more to life for you to be wasting it like that. life is not all about those crabs ! its about letting it go and living ! there are more important thing in life like drinking and partying and playing computer games !

best wishes ! start living

Right Now

2007-04-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

Right now . I'm thinking that no one reads my blog so what's the point of writing on it , but it doesn't stop me from writing .

Right now . I'm thinking of other blogs , to be specific Nalin's , she is a nice girl , ha ha actculy the only one that has read my blog !

Right now I'm waiting for the food i cooked to be ready . Shivid popo ba morgh !

Right now I'm listing to IN THE END by Linkinpark ! (this song is one of the songs that no matter how many times i hear it , i won't get board )

Right now I'm chatting with Kristin sumita chand ! I'm glad I met her and no matter what she does or what happens i would never regret it .I simply love her !

Right now my house mates are eating the food i cooked and i'm writing my blog

Right now a thought of Mo past my mind .He likes to call himself Isa ! I knew him since two years ago and only recently we started to get close .Nice guy man , we got so much in common , and he really gets me ! hey I'm not gay ! just being honest here.

Right now I'm thinking who's gonna read my blog ! and how boring this post could be , and how could i make it more interesting.

Right now the time is 10:16pm 12/04/07 , Its a Thursday

Right now i'm thinking that , is telling the time and date the best way to make a post interesting ?

Right now I'm looking at the photos Kristin is sending me ! nice photos man ! taken in her trip to perhentian .

Right now I don't feel like writing any more so ...

T.V Shows

2007-04-07T01:10:00.000-07:00

Heroes
Do you watch it ? well i do, if i could choose a power i would take the "mind reading" power ! Believe me its better than flying ! ha ha people say i look like " Sailer ". Maybe i am, so watch out ,I might eat that bloody brain of yours and take away your powers !

Gray's Anatomy
Quite difficult to judge that show la ! It usually goes like this , Good-OK-Bad-Bad-Bad-OK-OK-Awesome(here you get hope to keep watching)-Bad-Bad....
and why the hell are they all sleeping with each other ?!?! the writer is going overboard , hate it !

Nip Tak
Every episode is nice on its own, but as a whole package it sucks !! Too many things happening , If a quarter of those thing happen in my life i would commit suicide by eating 58 big mags in an hour !

Prison Break
Ha ha haven't watched it yet ! is it good ?

Shabhaye Barare
Trying to remember when you watch it ? ha ha don't try if your not an Iranian. Its amazingly funny !

South Park
Hilarious! The ideas are just crazy, you can never say what’s going to happen , unless you are high on weed !

Family Guy
Its funny , But watching too much of it can make you get diarrhea !

There is a lot more, but i don't feel like writing anymore !

Dead Doves

2006-10-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

We had to write a postmodern story last sem for "media calture" subject .here is what i wrote :

Sitting in a coffee house and spending half of my day is probably the most interesting part of my day since I got fired , a man with out money is like a car with no petrol , this is what my wife said before she forsake me .

I finished my coffee already , so I asked my friend who works here to pour me another one ,we got to know him when we used to come here with all my colleagues . I still come here its like a routine .

He is a smart guy , a friendly looking face and a small body ,

I can say he is too smart for his job , he deserves more , maybe he is not smart enough to get what he deserve ? or the society has taken the chances of success away from him ,society for him can be anything perhaps his family , what if his mother was a prostitute , he might have had more freedom at home therefore more chances to express himself but he will always be ashamed of his family , why is it that prostitutes are never accepted in society anyway ? I think they play an important role , a society without prostitution as like a city with no garbage ! dirt will be every where in town , so it not bad to make it official after all .

What ever happened to him he is here now pouring coffee to my cup , this is already the third cup , I think I can deny the fact that coffee makes you awaken, cause if it was true I wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of my life , so its just something in people’s mind , or maybe coffee companies made it up so they can sell more coffee , its what they always do anyway , and people are stupid enough to believe them , my mom is the best example , maybe if she didn’t listen to those Doctor shows on TV telling people what they should eat and what is a healthy life style , my dad wouldn’t suffer from so many digesting problems now !

Time to leave the coffee shop now , where to go ? I have no idea , going home is the worse choice, cause home just doesn’t feel like home ! home is safe , home is cozy , home is a place to make love , its some where you go when you are sick of every single street and building in the city , but where should you go if you stay in place with none of this features ? would you go home if you know some one is there to nag and nag , would you go home if you landlord is waiting for you at the door to come back so he can get his 2 days delayed rental fee ?

So I just walked with no particular destination , oh no it’s time to go and pick my son up from the school , he is only 7, some times I think he knows more than me , did my father felt the same way about me when I was 7 ? .

he always complain about his teacher , she is 30 , too young to act that way , maybe its just the family tradition to make the class room a hell for the children , her mom and her grand mother were a teacher as well with the same attitude , some time I think she never chose to be a teacher is just some thing she got from her mom , some thing in her blood , no it more your religion , you are just born with it, like it or not you have to follow it .

That how things are in life , you have to keep all is given to you just live with it ,or you can waste most of you life changing them , and even if you succeed it already too late you wouldn’t have much time to enjoy it you will die and leave it all the way it was before.

My son doesn’t like me either ,the truth is I don’t really care , its good enough if he loves his mom .his mom is a perfect disaster , I married her cause if I haven’t my son didn’t know who his father was now .She just had to keep the child , so it is what life chouse for me and I went with it .

I’m officially free, you know why ? cause I chose not to choose life , if don’t care if you can criticize the government freely , if you don’t care if you can be just who you are in your society if you don’t care if you don’t have enough money to buy a good future for you child ,and if you forget all the basic freedom and rights you have , if choose not to be a human being and you don’t give a goddamn thing if all the doves are dead then you are free just like me !

First Things

2006-10-24T02:31:00.000-07:00

Here we go we my first blog , I was never a fan thou , but recently this friend of me "KIAN" created one , and it flashed the idea in my mind that its actually cool to go to web and just write ! without even knowing who's going to read it or even if some one bothers to take a look at your blog or not , all this making me to feel like I can write just any thing I want !

First things ...
some times they are scary most of the time some thing totally different from their previous picture in your mind , you've got to be brave to take the risk of doing something new , what ever it is , but once you did it then you’ll feel all that thoughts in your mind was based on nothing like reality .

Some of the first are the last!
what they leave in your mind is way so powerful, either good or bad it will effect your whole concept of some thing, let say you go to this place and it just happens to be the perfect time and situation for you so you will love the place ... for a long time you always want to go back there, it becomes like your lost heaven, but when you actually go there for the second time its not all that great any more, isn't this sad?
Same goes with a girl you see in a party and you kiss her then, she is gone, God knows for how long you will think of her as your perfect love, but what if you see her for the second time every thing changes.

Maybe we can just leave some of the firsts the way they are for ever by never trying it a second time.